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Z. Summerfield, T. Stewart, and S. Ciston

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Zulema Summerfield
Inspiration piece provided to Tavia Stewart

I Know It’s Hard, But You’re Going To Have To Look At Yourself To Get Where You’re Going
By Tavia Stewart

Response to Zulema Summerfield and Inspiration piece sent to Sarah Ciston

You have been dismembered, torn to shreds and taken apart, bit by bit, with your own two hands. You have been disassembled, invaded and blown to pieces. There is close to nothing left of you. You have decapitated yourself. Say it aloud: De-cap-it-ated. Your-self. You did it. No one else is to blame. Everyone else has an alibi.

Just take a look in the mirror. Just take a look at yourself. You should be ashamed. Your insides are oozing onto everyone and everything. It’s disgusting. Ghastly. People just aren’t having it. They’re not into the ooze.

Don’t you see? You have mutilated you. Lopped off just about everything. Bombed the rest. Cremated the rest of the rest.

At first it was a great performance. “Bravo!” We cheered. “More, more!” We begged. But now you have nothing left to show for it. You’re completely severed. Incomplete. Your you has vanished into thin air along with your I and we.

You are dislimbed, bare, broken down, skinned like a dead pig. Butchered some, but more like dissected. Just take a look. Go on. You have to.

And don’t even try to put yourself back together before you do. You’re no Humpty Dumpty. Trying will only make it worse. Limbs won’t fit together the way they use to. You’ll end up with arms and legs of different lengths. You’ll end up with a stomach where your heart is and a liver for a brain. You’ll end up de-formed. Not-right.

There’s no way to fix what’s been disarranged. Best just to face the facts. Bite the bullet. Wipe the shit off the fan and move on. You’re maimed to the nth degree and it’s all your fault. It’s left you dumbstruck, dripping with sloppy plasma goo.

I know, you don’t want to hear it. You know already. It’s old hat, a broken record. But did you know there’s something you didn’t know? That there’s a light at the end of the tunnel? Something to look forward to?

But not so fast, mister. First you must face the facts. Buck up. Take a good look. And no vomiting. That’s the number one rule. The golden rule. You have to pick up that mess you are still calling you, get yourself to the closest mirror, and take a long, hard look at what you’ve become.

Good Lord, do you see that? Take some time to take it all in.

Now what?

Well, it’s kinda like reincarnation, but more like a bad hangover. You’ll wake up to an empty apartment you don’t remember ever arriving at with a bad headache, no wallet, and no clue where your car’s parked. You’ll walk out to the street and find a great big bright sun waiting for you. You’ll find your keys in your pocket and your shoes on your feet and the luxury of taking your time to get to wherever you need to go, which won’t be clear to you until you actually get there.

Ciston Thumnail

Fall Apart: A How-To Guide with Instructions for Daily Use, Plus a Treatise on the Methodology and Practice of Improper Deconstruction
By Sarah Ciston (Link opens to PDF file; click on image for larger JPG)

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